When the sun rises again,

Day 6:

Arguments are always lying around on the ground and it's hard not to trip on them. Is it the festive now? We seem to be arguing almost all the time. And i come to realise that we argue more than we enjoy lately. We even argue despite our 'break'. Which only means, either we're not taking this 'break' seriously or the 'break' doesn't work at all.

Last night's chat really pulled me down. I tried to settle things down, i really tried it just wouldn't budge. Either that or i'm just pathetic. It's to the extend i give up. And i don't give up easily, especially when it's concerning the both of us cos i know how much this means to me. How much everything means to me.

We can't even discuss properly, we can't even find a solution to our problems, what more can we do? Maybe we lost it, maybe it's going down the drain. Maybe it's time.

Yours Sincerely,

Muhd Azzrul

Day 5:

The first half of the day kinda went down slope. We started to exchange tensions. I don't really know why we are arguing when we are supposed to be 'break'. But i know, i don't like it. I hate the feeling that we are quarelling, who does right? But even when we are on the 'break'? Gosh, it is really getting into me. But i do realise in the later part that it is partly my fault, and that comes back to yesterday's story. My actions last night must have sparked something to cause this conflict.

But nonetheless, we managed to just forget about it, and carried on with the next half of the day full of excitement and joy. It went pretty smooth and i must say, she does look gorgeous today. I like today, especially when we're all on smiles. When we're together, we're one force not to be reckon with. :D

Happy Graduation Day, Sharina.

Love,

Muhd Azzrul

Day 4:

Besides feeling incinerated under the scorching hot sun, everything goes well. Work was alright. It was my first time doing work away from the computer and i kinda feel good about it. At least i don't dwell away from work and into the clutches of social network and get isolated from work.

After work, it was a meet up with the Krabians. And i swear, i was freaking nervous to meet her. It felt exactly the same way 3 years 10 months and 2 weeks and 2 days ago, right when i first went out with her. But the turn out wasn't that bad. We managed to cope pretty well. But somehow, i felt that the next step kinda ruined it all. I decided to send her back. No doubt, when she hugged me from the back, the feeling was truly wonderful. I swear, it felt like we're strangers again getting to know each other more, and when she wrapped her arms around me, it was as if she was the first girl to hug me. I didn't want to stop riding, even if Kasey ran out of fuel. As long as her hand is still around me, it's all worth while.

But after our supper, i know i shouldn't have done what i did. What she asked, it strucked me like a brick smashed on my head. I never had any bad intentions, never. But when she asked that question, i was confused. I know i shouldn't have done what i did, i should have just waved a goodbye and walk off. I stayed on, cause i miss her. I wanna feel her presence near mine again. All in the name of love. But were my actions really spelling out something negative? How should i act the next time? It kept me thinking. Maybe, that's my weakness. To feel weak against my words in times such as those. No worries, we'll carry this on, and i'll perform better. Once again, i'm sorry if i showed the image of 'negativity' towards you. I'll be better.

Yours truly,

Muhd Azzrul

Day 3:

Today seems to be going by fine. I really missed her voice, and when we had a speck of second on the phone, it made me fly on cloud nine. I want to hear again, her voice. Please.

The rest just passed by fast. Met with a guy in Serangoon to buy a brown Stussy pants from him for 25 bucks. Looks like a perfect fit, and hope it was worth the buy. :) And along the way to his block, i happened to pass by Nex Mall. And i swear, it's freaking gigantic! I will bring her there one day, i promise.
On the way home, when a super last second plan to cut my hair pops up. And within that second, made that left turn to hit the barber. I decided to cut it short, a 'schoolboy' look. I remembered her preferring my hair short and neat. So there it goes. :)

Reached home, and waited for dusk to sink in, and geared up for my evening jog. Did a gamble, eventhough i wasn't fit enough, to go one whole round round covering 5.6km. And surprisingly, it took me half an hour to complete the run. Was satisfied, but i know i can do better. Gonna discipline myself to go for a regular run. :)

Back home, felt hungry and decided to order Mcdonalds. Mum was out for work, leaving me and lil' bro left at home. Mum didn't cook maybe because the house is kinda quiet. I don't blame her, so i treated my lil' bro to Mcdonalds. I ordered her favourite burger, despite having to endure the torturous spiciness of the meal, and hence it was called McSpicy meal. -.-

That was about all that happened. I was tempted to get a new set of house phone but somehow, didn't manage to get the chance. Mainly because the house phone acts like a human zombie, sometimes alive, sometimes dead. And since i don't give my parents a share of my monthly pay, why not at least buy a little something for the house. :)

Before i sign this off, i would like you to know that i appreciate that short text conversation on Kasey's design. It maybe short and irrelevant, but that was the only thing that made me smile like never before. Thank you. Goodnight, and enjoy your holiday tomorrow.

Love,

Muhd Azzrul

Day 2:

Today was a busy day for me. I thought it would be another draggy day at home, but a series of impromtu last minute plans by peeps kinda make me look up. Firstly, Rasyid gave me a morning wake up call, begging for company to tag along pay his fine but due to polling day, it was close. Silly us. So we decided to walk around Vivo while i took the opportunity to give AX a visit in search of my belt. But was disappointed when none broke through my dead lock. So another impromtu plan by us to shoot some nasty zombies at Bukit Timah LAN shop. Rasyid's treat, so anything goes for me. We played 2 hours, but was kinda bored midway cos 2 man ain't fun killing zombies. Next was a last minute plan to wash our bikes but with Afiq tagging along. I did a quick one cos i wasn't really in the mood. Rasyid suspected something amiss in me and he popped the question, "Eh, kau ngan Sharina gaduh eh?". But i gave a smile accompanied by, "Haha. Takdelah."

Another last minute plan when Idris called up to ask me tag along him and Azman to karaoke session. It was on, so met them first at town which then Seth and Yazid came by later. We spent 3 hours karaoke session and headed back home right after.

Honestly, i wasn't really enjoying as much as i'm supposed to. Everything i did, everything i saw, everything i sang, all relates back to someone i miss truckloads. In Vivo, while Rasyid was withdrawing money, i stepped in the shop next door to look around. And i saw a shelf full of water bottles. I was so tempted to buy for her, but something just pulled me away. Looking through the AX belts, i decided not to buy, one reason because she wants to accompany me get it. Walked around Vivo and had so many things to buy but her imaginary self will pop up in front and kept emphasizing, "Save for what's more important!". Playing LAN, i wanna do it again with her. As gruesome as killing zombies can be, i had fun back at the LAN shop at Downtown East. Giving Kasey a wash, she would be beside me scrubbing tough stains and giving final scrubs on Kasey. We would goof around and ended up scrubbing each other instead of Kasey. And somehow, my mind kinda carry me to similar situations of me and her while singing or karaoke-ing. And i made a promise, to bring her karaoke right after this 'break' ends.

I miss her. Her touch, her smell, her warmth.

Day 1 :

I started feeling lonely. It was a Friday, and i expect to be enjoying the end of the week. But, i was home early. I almost felt like a geek; hours in front of the com, killing zombies on my ps3 console, eat and eat and eat. That was about it. Maybe, i just have to adapt. Life as a one man.

Yours truly.

Ask me anything, but be nice. http://formspring.me/AzzrulSally

The last thing i could ever ask for is to see you leave with a white flag on the floor.

Abg Jas said to me before, 'When you are outside in the working world, friends won't be there to help you in your desperate times of need. No matter the thousand of friends you have in facebook, only a mere one or two would be there for you. The hard times you are going through when you are older, is multiple times different as to what you faced back when you are still schooling. The only ones that would truly be there, are your parents, siblings and your love one. Do treasure them, as much as you can. You'll experience it all in time to come.'

I thank Allah for all the precious people that has flashed through my life. I appreciate for all the people that I've met. My friends and buddies are still my awesome bunch of people. My family, is where I always return back to. And my love one, I'm always there if you are in need.♥♥♥

"I'm always here for you. Always."

I may not be there to catch you when you fall, may not lend a shoulder for you to cry on, may seem selfish and prioritise life more. But one thing is for sure, the love that was vowed and engraved on my heart was never a lie, nor will it ever begone. And i will try my very best, to make your worries go away. I may not be there to catch you when you fall because in the first place, I won't let you fall. I may not lend a shoulder for you to cry on because it's always yours and you don't have to return it back. I always prioritise life more, because you are my life.

The smell of your hair, the look in your eyes, the touch of your skin, the taste of your lips, the melody from your voice. I can't live without you. I love you.